Ohhh we all love Christmas….

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Today I have finally got round to writing a post hooray!
Life has been hectic and i have been working lots of long hours on a temp job, whilst trying to keep on top of my Uni work.
oh mid flow i decided to watch this. Its awesome watch it, you just want to be there.
 
 
 I’ve been a busy girl, which has been fantastic for me; I haven’t planned ONE meal in about 3 weeks!!!I’ve just been like any other normal, full time working twenty something and arrived home after work to scoff whatever is in the fridge…( even if it was low carb, wheat free, dairy free and sugar free). Still, I felt FREE!
 
So I got new hair to kee up the good vibes!
 
I love it soo much!
The impending christmas feasting has been on my mind. 
  • My first worry; How will I stay looking like this and not gain weight?
  • My second; what if i lose control and how will i cope wih this?

The first worry has been niggling at me for a while, ever since i made my amazing christmas cake…(which i have devoured -hence my worries).

Like most people, I crave comfort food over the winter, but because this isnt a norm in my daily diet, the control and moderation mechanism doesnt seem to kick in like most people’s and I literally cant stop eating it. As predicted this is what has happened with the christmas cake, mainly after a few proseccos too many with my irresponsible friends hehe! I can feel a little bit of fear creeping in this week before christmas, in which I have had 1 binge. I have also noticed something significant though; My binges have decreased in time and calories. For some reason my control seems to have developed (a tiny bit) over the past few weeks, and before i feel totally totally shit i have stopped. I havn’t even felt a massive desire to over exercise the next day and my internal voice has been saying, ‘its ok, just crack on no problem here!’ and you know what, this is amazing . I actually feel like I am getting somewhere.

Now don’t get me wrong, my friends,Mum,  Dave and Sister will all tell you about the amount of texts they receieve during and after a binge about; how do I cope? why can’t I just be normal?Do I look fatter? Have I ruined everything?

Here’s one i sent to one of my best friends;

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They know the best answers…usually along the lines of ‘you look awesome, you work out tonnes and you havn’t even eaten that much blablabla‘ But i NEED that support to get me to the other side. If you suffer with this you know what I am talking about. Its a massive guilt trip and it usually takes about a day to get through it, and thats right, the only way is ‘through’ you have to face the anxiety it can only get better!

For example; Yesterday I had nothing on, on the evening . I wanted to chill and drink mulled wine and watch sky+ catchup!  I had already worked out so didnt want to go to the gym again and I had a scrummy tea. I had been craving mince pies for about a week and we had none in ( I’m making gluten free ones next week- don’t tell Dave). Instead I will relay to you what i consumed in an hour, instead of going to the shop and buying one mince pie I devoured; 4 mini macaroons, 2 chocolate fingers, 5 ferrero Roches, half a rich tea biscuit and 1 slice of christmas cake and brandy sauce. This is small for my kind of binge but I have probably missed a few things out. After the binge Dave receieved an onslaught of ‘helllpp meeee’ texts so did my best mate, mother and Cat. But because I texted them ( before I wouldnt have), their responses picked me up and i felt like’ you know what,I dont feel as bad as usual’. Today I just feel normal, I look the same, and its like a milestone in my recovery, and I wouldnt have done it (cliche, sorry) without a support network.

The next challenge I need to tackle is the next few sociable days/weeks. I’m getting my annual amazing Gingerbread house from Malton tomorrow and I have planned my workout on the evening so i HAVE to be out of the house, not surrounded by food and ginger bread houses. Then Dave’s home, which I cant wait for, but our lives revolve around food, so I am going to have to put mental safety nets in place to help me through the festive period. God im exhausted thinking about it! Seriously my brain has a daily calender which looks like this:

Thursday- Ginger bread arrives, cant eat as will get fat , but whats the point of buying it? when can i eat it? arrr?!Best go to the gym instead!

Friday- Dave’s here, gym morning, work (safe there, no food), night drinks= high risk of binge but Dave is here and he says STOP-should survive!

Saturday- KBs, then out all day having girl/beauty time, wine and nibbles on the night, but best friend helps with control strategies so should be ok! ( may have small melt down before bed time about food eaten though..)

Sunday- Gym and hopefully stress free day but Ginger bread house is calling…eat meeee…..( most probably be drinking proseccos on the evening which is dangerous=binge)

Monday – Gym & socialising all day, around lots of food… Need to be strict and not give in to peer pressure!

Tuesday xmas eve- Going to the gym to create calorie deficit for christmas dinner & drink later.

Wednesday xmas day- Going wild, considering a run but probably wont. DAY OFF FROM MY FOOD THOUGHTS YAYY

Thursday Boxing day- RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN NO CARBS ARRRR HELLPP!

So there you have it, a sneak preivew into the weird mind of me! But like I said, I think as soon as I am working full time again it will be put to the side, I might include it on my CV… ‘You are helping a good cause… please give me a job’ haha!

This is slowly getting better but I have a long way to go, so if you’re reading this, and can relate, please drop me a line because i really appreciate it and feel that I need some help with coping strategies more than anything!

Scales update

Back down to 9st1…but only because I’ve been weighing myself every day and not eating much…!

( That’s gone a bit AWOL recently, but 1 day a week will be implemented after christmas… I promise!!!)

On the plus side of everything, Dave’s nearly home, and he is the only person who really makes me think its all fine. ( sick buckets at the ready) and also tells me that  if i just drink lots of prosecco, it will all be ok! a man of wise words!

Hope you all have a fun christmas, and eat loads and feel great about it because that is what i am going to also ( attempt) to do yippee!

ps back on the carb back loading come jan paleo/fitness lovers hehe!

xx