Isn’t it strange how a 10 second step on the weights can change the way you see yourself in the mirror? That’s me.

I look in the mirror, think ‘ooo I don’t look to bad today maybe i’ll brave the scales and see if i’ve lost weight’-even though the thought has already started to create a mild anxiety…then I weigh more than 9st4 and feel sick and irritated and look in the mirror and see my protruding stomach and big thighs. I then go on to limit my calorie and carb intake for the whole day and have a small panic attack if that routine has to change. That is what I would describe as having an eating disorder. You don’t have to be super skinny to have one…as explained in this article. One of the misconceptions is that we all look malnourished and emaciated but a large percentage actually are of average weight because of the binges .

The problem is we LOVE food but for some reason we can’t control the intake and punish ourselves for it.

This is why i have decided to discontinue FODMAP.
It was kind of working,the bloating had slightly reduced-but not much.

The problem with FODMAP is the reduction of fructose ie apples, pears (easy snacking fruit)there are quite a few bits of info on the downsides of fructose that i have read up on, this was also passed my way recently, which confirmed that yes, i probably do have a problem with it.
So because I would usually reach for fruit to curb any sweet cravings, I couldn’t, it was absolute torture!Which meant to ease my craving, I let myself have some chocolate…which led to a full on binge.

Randomly i ate cheese, (be it lactose free due to FODMAP !I never crave cheese! I haven’t included it in my diet for over 2 years, this was a warning sign for me-I was starting to feel out of control, and eating is the one thing i need to be able to control.

I could feel myself sliding back into my old eating ways over the last 2 weeks, and obviously I had to nip it in the bud because this blog is all about moving forward!

So from today I am just going to focus on portion sizes and my usual paleo eating.

This diagram is pretty useful!

For each meal I concentrate on having a palm sized amount of protein, a fist of green veg & a fist of carbs.

I find that leaving 1/4 of my tea and boxing it up for lunch helps with control too!

So that’s where the journey is at this week, hopefully the next week will be a bit easier now. I swear those scales are going through the window soon!



My FODMAP effort…. Week 1


This week I started FODMAP. This was advised to me by my dietician to try to eliminate my bloated stomach and to try to figure out what food group causes it.

Firstly, if you have read any of my previous posts you will know that I don’t eat Gluten/Wheat, Dairy or High sugar foods. I made the decision to eradicate these food groups from my diet in 1. an attempt to lose a few pound and 2. to work out if they were the cause of my stomach problems. This was about 3 years ago now, and when i once had a massive problem with dairy, I now find that it is wheat/gluten and high carbs that are one of the main problems. I have re introduced milk in my tea( because it taste horrendous with almond milk!).



Recently, even though I am keeping gluten and wheat out of my diet, I am still suffering with the problem of a big massive bloated stomach with everything I eat…this is why I was referred to a dietician. Jumping back to the gluten /wheat thing I also believe it has a detrimental effect on weight loss and body function in general… this article is pretty informative and if you are considering ditching the wheat have a real look into it first, you will see the negatives outweigh the positives!

There is a good blog by Sebastian Noel Here about gluten and its effects on the body.



This stands for Fermentable Oligosaccharides, Disaccharides, Monosaccharides and Polyols. 

Basically the food that for some people is not properly absorbed by the small intestine, so then moves along to the large intestine and feeds bacteria…lovely thought there. For these unfortunate people this will cause IBS symptoms such as bloating,cramps etc!

This website helps to explain it in more detail.  

The problem for me is that I already eliminate quite a few things from my diet, and because i really really cant re introduce them psychologically( I will probably feel ‘fat’ if i did) I am already finding keeping to FODMAP difficult. Here is a table highlighting the foods I have to eliminate along with the foods i can eat!


It is pretty restrictive and the main foods I have struggled without so far are Peas,Broccoli, Cabbage, Apple, Dried fruit ( im obsessed with it) and onions! Also I am a self confessed sweet lover so having no agave, honey or any kind of liquid sugar on my yog/salad dressings is probably the hardest part as i HATE dry things! OH and i’ve just noticed Port on there ! GODDAMIT!( ITS BONFIRE NIGHT COME ONNN) so you could say I am not looking forward to the next 8 WEEKS! I cant even eat in the same room as Dave at the minute (poor Dave). 

 That said, I will stick to this because it is a ‘referred’ diet that is serving a purpose and NOT for weight loss for once. Also, i never give up on personal challenges as i am so competitive,-hopefully this is what will get me through it…and maybe copious amounts of HOMEMADE LIMONCELLO..will help, ( am i allowed that??…probably not!!)






The weight loss is up and down all the time at the minute, but my new goal is to get to 20% Body Fat (I’m 21% at the mo).

I am also not weighing myself more than once a week …as of this week. I did have a big binge/relapse at the weekend and beat myself up about it and felt like a bit of a failure. So I decided that enough is enough and I cant stand feeling like this any more (it is a constant heavy heart/anxiety feeling), so I  finally took the baby step of  making a GP appointment to actually properly admit to having an eating disorder. Hopefully things will move forward from there, because I don’t believe will power is really enough to battle through this ( I have tried for nearly a year ) and I have so much positive stuff going on, and things to do that I wont let it drag me down any more! I am scared and feel really silly, but I know it is the first step to a better mind set.

Hopefully this FODMAP, even though it is really hard, will help to reduce my stomach bloat, which will at least make me feel  physically better and give me the confidence to get back in my body con dresses this Christmas!