Well, its been an emotionally mixed few weeks both good and bad…I’ve not had chance to write much recently as I have been spending my time making multiple notes on the economic depression and Illy coffee…absolutely loving being back at uni again, even though the large workload and small amount of lectures are tricky to balance! But I love to be focused and working at achieving my main aim…to get a bloody good job! In a hot country preferably!
This is what my week looks like graphically….!
My eating anxieties have been all over the place over the last 2 weeks. They must be stress related. The biggest stress has been not having a job-since GB stopped ( as mentioned before Dave is chasing the commercial diver dream and leaving in a week eek!). This has left me as a poor student, living in NE England in an economy that has mass unemployment in my age group so you can imagine it has not been the most exciting few weeks…..but worry not, that is being rectified as we speak!
Before this my eating was becoming less obsessive and monitored, I was actively not weighing myself and allowing treats. Dave could cope with my little anxious outbursts. Recently though, I think starting from last weekend, when I had a really big binge. If you don’t suffer with eating anxieties then I will describe to you how it feels. You eat, for no reason other than you have previously denied yourself of all ‘treat food’. You feel that you are inconspicuous and being ‘weird’ for not trying the party buffet, so decide that you will try a small amount. A this point you feel satisfied, you’re not even hungry to be honest. 10 minutes later you feel horrendous- I at this point will start trying to justify myself to Dave, or my friends and try to convince myself that it’s ok, I wont get fat with half a slice of quiche and half a cupcake. BUT Because I feel so bloody guilty, I just think ‘bugger it’ and just eat-like every one else is. Except, because I’m not even hungry i feel fat, bloated and ridiculously full. But imagine this…I just cant stop and the worse bit is….I don’t even know why?!
After this episode i was gutted literally devastated and when I got home planned my strategy to rid all of the calories consumed over the next week.
Oh and for the next few days I have spent them being an emotional mess because all I can think about is how fat i feel/look, if i’ve put any weight on ( I’m too scared to weigh myself) and how how how do i stop doing this?
The only thing that is distracting me at the moment is my uni assignments, which I am halfway though, and my social calender planning! Oh and the drive to pass uni, and get an amazing internship !
So this is how I am going to cope with it in the near future. Distraction Distraction Distraction. Oh and the support from my amazing best friends- the only ones I feel actually understand my thought pattern, and how to handle it!
Whilst i am writing this, I am feeling pretty excited about the future, and I am currently feeling in control as I chose to have a rest day today ( which wouldn’t usually be an issue, but recently has been ) and you know what, I feel much better for it and after a bit of a breakdown about Dave deciding that were going to Leeds this weekend for food ( i was planning on working out and not having any ‘bad food’) I am now looking forward to it and feel that with Dave’s support I will be able to have full control and wont binge. I can do it. Just sometimes I wobble and lose focus! I’m only human i suppose!
Anyway on that note, I am going to get some sleep…I should really put a link to show research on how sleep effects moods/ fat loss etc.. but i really wont bore you haha!
Next time I will be speaking about my prep for FODMAP and how the first week without Dave goes…!
What will you be making? Let me know any tried and tested Paleo recipes if you follow it!