I love being STRONG

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Hey everyone!

So after my first post I have had over 250 views of my blog which is fab!- thanks for all the support, it makes me feel better that I have a reason to kick my eating & weight problems and that I’m not just being ‘silly’. Which is the reason why I don’t talk about it to people very often spesh my family who I think are probably sick of me by now!

Anyway today has been awesome! I started the day (NOT weighing my self) but with a PT session with my fab trainer Dave@ (Dave’s Elite Boxercise!

I get so excited for my PT sessions because Dave pushes me so much harder than I do myself and he believes (as do I) that women should be strong not skinny it is a very positive half hour! our usual workout consists of;
HIIT training
TABATA
Boxing drills
Clean and press
Squats
Core work

Everything is aimed at increasing strength and working the whole body not just ‘losing weight’.
I am very competitive and always want to better my self, so I set myself a squat challenge!On my own I usually squat 35kg, but with Dave’s guidance I really pushed the limits and reached my NEW PB of 57kg wooooo! Here’s a picture for proof!

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I was literally bouncing around the room and was ecstatic alllll the way home! I really really really tried not to weigh myself but I felt so good I though it won’t be that bad… And I had actually lost 1lb! Which is great.

But because I have lost a pound it makes me feel like ARRR HELP I CANT EAT ANYTHING ‘BAD ‘ NOW! But I quickly tried to stop the thought and replaced it with’ I need to re fuel! ‘( it was now 11.30am and I hadn’t eaten anything yet).

Scrambled egg (with chives and butter 😉 )
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Best brekkie! I wanted chorizo but the calorie counter in me said No!

On a positive note though(it’s been a good day) I fitted back in my size 8s today so that was another milestone because I actually weigh more than I did when I couldn’t fit in my 8s!

I’m trying to focus on FUELLING my body so it’s in the best condition to work out and perform!
SOOOOO many girls believe that they can get by eating toast for breakfast and doing loads of cardio to lose weight.
I’ve tried this…it doesn’t work! Eventually you hit a wall and are stuck…i know I’ve tried it all! The only thing that has worked so far is
Carb Back Loading and HIIT training at least 3 x a week in between my other workouts. Check it out if you’ve also plateaued. It’s really effective but can be restrictive which is the main problem for me! I deprive myself constantly which means eating is like a treat and I talk about it alllllllll the time and do everyone’s head in! A lot of the time I feel exhausted and feel like I need a break from myself !

The only thing Ive been pulled up on today , was worrying about having a MILK cappuccino because the place didn’t have A dairy alternative, I get scared that it’s going to make me fat if I have one. But Dave just said EMILY and I soon shut up and realised that I am actually being silly and that I have worked hard at PT so a little bit of milk will not ruin my entire diet.(I’m obviously trying to talk myself into believing this as you can tell). Oh well I have not let it cloud my thoughts for the day! Instead I have gotten excited about our new TYRE workout.
Dave has acquired a massive tyre to throw around for himself and a baby one for me….I can’t wait to try them out ! So if you see any weirdos unloading massive tyres out of a ford transit in cat nab car park at 6am it’s just us! Feel free to join in haha! 😉 >

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Oh yeah check out this page: Strong is the new skinny it really defines why women need to focus on being healthy and strong and not skinny and waif like! Like it on Facebook the stuff they post is inspirational! Such as this;

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I have discussed things in length with Dave (he is very patient!) and we’ve worked out that one of the causes of my eating disorder and obsession with food and weight is probably that I’ve been off uni for a while, work part time and work for myself.
I am not distracting myself enough, and when I am working, it’s usually on my own on my laptop so hopefully after uni I will bag myself a little Food Marketing job in a small office with fun people!
And after this last ‘dull September’ week I am freeeeeeee to say YES to social things revolving around food, so let’s see how that goes- I still can’t say yes to staying in and getting takeaway, I get anxious even thinking about it and always try my best to change the plans (i am terrified of being in that situation) but a conclusion might be to cook for my friends instead?! I’m sure they would prefer that anyway hehe!

I am actually going out this evening for a drink! I have limited myself to 1 alcoholic beverage, ( if I drink I eat so am scared to do it), but it is progress!

My goal for the week is not to weigh myself again until this time next week, I am going to try really really hard not to!

Let me know if you have any tips or if you have experienced these problems before please comment below, I need help with other ways to keep off those scales and keep positive!

Thanks for reading and enjoy your weekend!

Em

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A slave to the cake…

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Hi Guys,

Welcome to my new blog!

I have decided to write this away from our food business (ironically) , mostly to get a few things off my chest about eating & fitness issues out there into the huge world of the internet, but also to help others who also have to deal with some of the little niggles driving you slowly insane – you’re not alone! I will cover this all in this blog.

Now bear with me as i haven’t had to write anything personal or reflective since A level English so there may be a few grammatical errors here and there….!

So people who know me (& some of my Facebook followers) will have already realised I have an abnormal obsession with losing weight, eating clean and not eating cake.
I am sharing this with you because I have had enough. I am sick to death of allowing the scales to dictate my mood, my social life and my relationships. It needs to stop.
Now If you suffer from an eating disorder you will realise that this is easier said than done. The reason I am going to start *trying* to change is because I’ve realised recently that it’s really affecting my life. I plan my social life around what time I eat, so If I want to go for a (non alcoholic) beverage with the girls I will have to plan it so I can have tea first so I am not hungry whilst I’m out, and may be tempted to eat something I’m not ‘allowed’. Yeah you will think its strange , but this is how I think daily.

I set alarms on my phone telling me what I should eat that day (like I’d forget ) and I am a slave to Fitness Pal !

I also can’t eat Gluten, Wheat, Sugar, Alcohol,Dairy and only small amounts of Red Meat(basically a Paleo Lifestyle) This started when I completed an elimination diet to try and lose weight a few years ago…it worked, so that was it, I could no longer eat those food products without becoming ill. We’re still trying to figure out why I get ill with a dietician so when I know why I get Ill from eating ( pretty much everything I eat makes me bloated and uncomfortable) I will let you know!

So I just don’t eat the above anymore- only on special occasions. The problem with this is that I have developed a binge eating disorder which means if I have a ‘treat day ‘ on a special occasion I will go mental and eat everything until I feel sick and as a result I feel absolutely devastated. I am not exaggerating when I say devastated I feel extremely depressed and can’t think of anything else. . I then purge by over exercising and sticking below 1100kcals all of the next week.

Oh and I only eat carbs a few days a week and by carbs I mean 130g of sweet potato.

Now if you’re a fitness freak like me you will think yeah a Paleo style diet is great, working out is great.
But you probably won’t feel the absolute wracking guilt I feel when, say I have alcohol on a normal week day, or have sugar or dairy or white carbs …I literally could not eat cake if it wasn’t a treat day of some kind. And I LOVE CAKE.
Can you understand how awful that is? You’ll say ‘ yeah but it’s your fault your the one not letting yourself eat cake. ‘
BUT it’s not as simple as that. If I were to let myself have cake on a normal day it would absolutely ruin my whole entire week, Dave (the Boyfriend) would not want to be around me, I would sit on google for ages searching about metabolism and calories etc literally obsess over it for the next 2 days until I’ve done enough working out to make me feel better.

It’s not even because I think I’m fat.
I look in the mirror and I think I’m not THE BEST I COULD BE. And this is the problem.

My week consists of :

Monday( non work day)
Workout at 6.30am
Have a breakfast of say 2 scrambled egg (with coconut oil) and a smoothie with protein powder, half a banana, and 200ml of almond milk.
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I HAVE to leave 4 hours pretty much exactly (god knows why) between meals.
For lunch I have something small like homemade hummus and carrots with a bit of tuna.

Then I’ll try and crack on with work…but usually get distracted by looking for new workouts, recipes and researching restaurants I want to visit, but know I CANT because I am not eating ‘bad food’ this month.
Tea is between 6.30-7.30 latest which will be something like this….

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and I have to go to bed early so I don’t eat anything else. (I need to lose 4 lbs after all!)

Tuesday
Repeat the above

And again and again….oh yeah I have 1 rest day, which is the best day of the week!

It does help that I am a good cook ( i have to be or I would have gone mad by now eating bland food! )

SO this is how September has looked ^^^it’s been BORING and DEPRESSING because I have been trying to lose my holiday weight( that I couldn’t actually see in the mirror , my clothes fitted exactly the same etc but once I weighted myself I was absolutely devastated
And my best friends and family can confirm that, I texted them enough.

The common answer: Don’t weigh yourself, right?

How can I not, what if I put on a pound?!!- this is what I need help changing.

The point to this first post is to show you what I think and how I feel and that if you’re the same then it’s not just you!

I also want to use it as a blog to show that even though I have the cleanest diet you have ever encountered and workout excessively , am physically very strong and very knowledgeable about food and fitness ….I still struggle with this thought process and let it disrupt my life. I should be a personal trainer or nutritionist with the amount of info and knowledge I take on board…. I just wish I could apply it to myself !

Right I think I have enough of the initial stuff off my chest, I hope you will follow me and enjoy reading my mission to break free of the scales and be able to enjoy cake without the aftermath!

This is day one…. Let’s see how it goes!

Em x

Oh and for your info ….(before I Instagram it haha) I’m having poached turkey steak with roasted winter veg for tea….No Carbs!( it’s rest day , OBVS)

I few tools to help me on my way….

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In August I was recommended the Fitter Food Recipe Book by a friend. It has been my bible. It has literally helped me so much in the last few weeks, I even wrote to the Authors to congratulate them on basically summing up how I want to be and how to get there.

This is where I get such amazing recipes and keep my meals exciting. They encourage a low carb diet, which I have come to adapt to and love.

They tell me to eat BUTTER! Everyone who knows me knows I haven’t eaten butter for years! Mmmmmm
I can eat stuff like this

20130926-172325.jpgwith a little bit of raw butter, before with just oil it used to taste AWFUL! My ethos is that every meal should taste awesome or it’s a wasted meal!

My favourite thing of all time to cook with is coconut oil, I’ve just bought it in bulk!

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I use it to cook all my meat & veg in the health benefits are endless!

Another distraction technique that I have only just started doing is…

WALKING!

Me and Dave went for a long walk over the cliffs in the mist and rain yesterday and just talked and talked with no business distractions. Hopefully we will get to the bottom of my eating and weight issues one day, but for now I’m using it as ( a second workout) and something else to focus on apart from what I can and can’t eat.

In the mean time i might give in to my craving and have a Campari tonight… I will let you know how that goes!

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